


TFRE6

by SuperLeon



Series: FWB [2]
Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse), Resident Evil - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Drunk Texting, Gen, Hangover, Humor, Jake is irresponsible, Texts From Last Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-18 22:14:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3585921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperLeon/pseuds/SuperLeon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first thing Jake sees is what looks like concrete, obscured somewhat by the light seeping in from his left—or maybe his right...</p>
            </blockquote>





	TFRE6

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the TFRC or TFLN tumblrs bc that AU is hilarious

The first thing Jake sees is what looks like concrete, obscured somewhat by the light seeping in from his left—or maybe his right. Directions felt more like some distant human memory from the dark ages than anything he should know. It's chilly, just so much for him to realize that his shirt is gone. He sighs and thinks it's for the best, but doesn't know why because that stems from some mostly forgotten memory from the night prior.

His legs move a little. Good, pants are still there. Socks...

Shoes? No.

He looks over to the side (Left? Right?) and doesn't question why his shoe is right next to his face, semi-covered in glitter and captivating him for a brief moment with the way it shimmered. He'd have the capacity to be angrily trying to scrub them off with little to no success in a few hours.

His pockets feel heavy, so he knows at least there's something in them. When he reaches in and feels the familiar smooth glass casing of a phone, he can at least come to his senses a bit and start an MMS:

 

_May 18, 2014 6:00 AM_

**Mass Text:** This is Jake and I am under a bridge

It was a pretty good start, he had to congratulate himself for that.

**Leon:**  
Good Morning.  
**Helena:**  
???

**Jake:**  
Yes not exactly sure how I got here or where I am but my pants are unzipped and my shirt is missing

Shoe count is 1 of 2

**Ashley:**  
how did you get my number  
**Sherry:**  
I told you guys he would get himself into trouble. I should have driven you home.  
**Piers:**  
wow i am trying to sleep take me out of the group

**Jake:**  
How are you sleepinf with a dick in your mouth that must be uncomfortable

6AM and I have already burned you.

**Piers:**  
At least I kno who's dick it is, asshole

**Jake:**  
And i know whose asshole it is, dick

Yours

**Piers:**  
???  
**Ada:**  
Are you injured?

**Jake:**  
I'm fine as far as I can tell. From the looks of it both kidneys are still intact. Bitch of a headache tho

**Chris:**  
Curious as to why I was put in this mms

**Jake:**  
I picked the first 8 or so names I recognized in my phone.

**Ashley:**  
But srsly take me out of tge group  
**Leon:**  
hey ashley  
**Ashley:**  
The last text i got from ur number is a picture of u in an illicit position.  
**Ashley:**  
Hey Leon  
**Helena:**  
"Illicit"  
**Helena**  
I dont think that word means what you think it means  
**Helena:**  
I hope  
**Sherry:**  
Jake where are you exactly

**Jake:**  
I have managed to climb my way out of the ditch and the nearest street says Dixon??? I think

**Chris:**  
Dixon is all the way across town  
**Claire:**  
rhis is Claire and I am just waking up and pissed off hey Chris hey sherry  
**Sherry:**  
Hi Claire :)  
**Chris:**  
Good Morning  
**Claire:**  
now stop texting

**Jake:**  
Claire I am shirtless and mostly shoeless also lost I am sory

**Ada:**  
*Sorry

**Jake:**  
Thank yuo Ada c:

**Leon:**  
Who here wants to play find the Jake?  
**Ashley:**  
I am outtie absolutly  
**Helena:**  
I have to go in like two hours please stop texting  
**Claire:**  
I'm in the same boat as Helena plus Jake is one of the biggest douchebags I know no offense Sherry  
**Sherry:**  
I understand

**Jake:**  
Wait what i am legitimately hurt

**Chris:**  
Sorry busy atm  
**Piers:**  
You can walk home I'm p sure  
**Sherry:**  
Jake I will come and get you but Im not exactly sure where you are.

**Jake:**  
What if I just start walking in a direction would that help?

**Sherry:**  
Do not move I am getting dressed right now

**Jake:**  
Which way is it if the sun is to my left

**Leon:**  
is it sundown or sunset  
**Ada:**  
???  
**Helena:**  
I swear to God you guys if you dont stop blowing up my phone I will piss in your beer next time I am tending  
**Ada:**  
That's how you get fired, honey.  
**Helena:**  
Yeah well all due respect Boss but I am menstruating like a motherfucker and I cannot feel my legs now if I can't get at least another hour off of this Tylenol pm your going to have to fire me.  
**Claire:**  
Maybe we should make another group.  
**Leon:**  
Put your phone on silent, sweetheart.

**Jake:**  
Sherry how long do you think it will take for you to get here.

**Sherry:**  
Im not 100% sure where Dixon is Jake you'll have to wait  
**Chris:**  
Dixon is about 20 minutes away I think  
**Claire:**  
yeah that's where Eli lives I think. A bit of a ride.  
**Chris:**  
Who's Eli

**Jake:**  
I don't think I can wait 20 minutes im starting to fade out here

**Sherry:**  
Do jumpingjacks or something the last thing I need is to be shoving your unconscious body into my car  
**Chris:**  
Who's Eli

**Jake:**  
Hold on what exactly did I do last night?

**Chris:**  
Claire who is Eli  
**Piers:**  
Some friend of yours invited you to a rave or smthn and you left the bar at like 9.

**Jake:**  
Rave??? On a Sunday???

**Piers:**  
don't ask me  
**Chris:**  
Claire,  
**Chris:**  
Who's Eli  
**Claire:**  
No one.  
**Sherry:**  
Hold on Jake I think I can find you just stay awake alright and don't talk to any strangers.

**Jake:**  
What if I really need help like can i even call the police in a situation like this

**Piers:**  
Depends on whether youd rather be arrested or have a dick in your mouth  
**Piers:**  
knowing you,  
**Piers:**  
ypu won't be getting out of jail anytime soon  
**Jake:**  
Youre asking me how willing I am to suck off a policeman to stay out if jail

**Ada:**  
Telling but appropriate.  
**Piers:**  
i've been through things don't judge me  
**Piers:**  
Also it's still like 6AM why are you still texting

**Jake:**  
I just realized the sign says Dixie not Dixon

**Sherry:**  
Dixie???  
**Sherry:**  
Jake I swear to god if you are where I think you are  
**Piers:**  
Dixie street is right by the park isn't it  
**Sherry:**  
Jake I see you you were not under a bridge that was the slide you fucking asshole.


End file.
